Tinkering Cannot Be Rushed
Can't be done. I tried.
I entered software engineering through a bootcamp right after college and I immediately felt behind. I only had 3 months to complete what other entry level job searchers had done over the course of four years.
The bootcamp emphasized a valuable perspective: being behind someone doesn't necessarily mean you're moving at the same speed. At the time, this was a helpful new framework.
In other words if we learned faster for longer we could catch up. We could exceed. The trick was to be efficient and not let up. We were learning 8 hours or more a day. A lot of us already had college degrees and knew how to structure our time. We were focusing completely on tools and software that was actively being applied in the most demanded jobs. We knew how to run, to sprint, and we did it for 3 months straight.
It was exhilarating.
And then I got a job. I still felt behind. So I kept running. I kept taking Udemy courses, reading books, working through tutorials. I kept rushing. Pushing everything inside my head. I don't enjoy rushing. But it's how I approach difficult things. At my worst I'm a spray and pray programmer. At my best I'm decent at not procrastinating.
It's exhausting.
After four and a half years, not only did I still grapple with feelings of lagging behind, but I hit a wall in terms of motivation. I picked up the basics, yet I struggled to grasp more advanced concepts that would enable me to create something truly unique. I possessed a broad, yet superficial understanding of various software aspects, without the depth needed to truly excel and express my ideas effectively.
I didn't fully realize how burned out I was until I started my most recent creation. The unique thing about this project was that I didn't care about it. I just needed something that would allow me to drill Arabic words. It didn't matter when it got done, it didn't matter if it used a sexy new language like rust or could compile down to the smallest binary. None of the superficial things that impress other engineers on the forums mattered - it was just for me.
I worked on it slowly. And only the fun bits. Because it didn't matter. Tutorials aren't fun. I didn't use them. I spent two weeks creating a radio button system by hand because it was fun.
There was no outside pressure. No next step to get done. It was all tinkering. It's the difference between making dinner when you are hungry and need to eat and cooking in the afternoon a new dish that excites you. One feels like compiling a bunch of rules to meet the minimum requirements, the other is free.
I still use external help. I've certainly read the documentation and even some articles people have written, but they are never exact recipes for the whole project.
It doesn't feel like I'm learning, it feels like I'm discovering.
P.S. If you're interested in following my work you can check out the Itch.io page here and the GitHub page here. I’m also open to work.